I hope by now you have all caught up with Wrestlemania, and the following RAW.
I attempted to live tweet both, but my human conduit and carer fell asleep two nights running, letting me down drastically. I attempted to type myself, but my hands kept going through the keys. Stupid human….hmmmmmmmmm.
My wrestling update is extremely late this week, due to travels to the North of Scotland in search of the Big Foot Man. More to come on him…when my human finally sees fit to stop messing around with work, comparative religion courses, folklore studies, suspension training etc and devotes time to what should be her number one priority.
Here are my main thoughts.
I’d be here all week if I gave you them all.
The decision to put AJ Styles v Chris Jericho on so early at Wrestlemania 32 was disappointing. But not as disappointing as having Jericho kick out of the Styles Clash and win.
Yes. Yes. His hair may have been glorious, but his face was again confused.
At least the following night saw a fabulous 4-way, a victorious AJ, and a new number one contender for the Heavyweight Championship.
People speculated AJ may have cried off camera over his title opportunity.
My human carer cried over his “beautiful hair”.
Nikki Bella came back with some form of contraption on that is holding her neck together. This was because the WWE were saying goodbye to her twin sister, Brie, who is retiring from action to make small humans with one of my favourites, Daniel Bryan. He also recently retired. Not just to form small humans with his man seeds, but mainly because he may die if he wrestles again. Ain’t nobody want none of that happening. Stay at home with your dogs and future children, Daniel.
My friend Gavib – a massive fan of food – lost his mind over the giant box of Booty-Os cereal The New Day danced out of…
…and I lost my mind when I heard the sound of breaking glass!
The Divas Title was finally lain to rest. YAY! I hope they burned it on top of some kind of rubbish heap or threw it into the sea.
The brand new, shiny Women’s Championship belt was introduced and there was an AWESOME 3-way match for it between Charlotte, Becky Lynch and Sasha Banks.
Unfortunately, bad girl Charlotte retained her title due to the interfering ways of Evil-Grandmother-At-The-Side-Of-The-Ring Ric Flair. Booooooo. Woooooo. Etc.
My fave Becky got a black eye. I was unhappy.
I was also unhappy that a man got involved in the women’s match again. What don’t you get about ‘Women’s Wrestling’?
Zack Ryder won the Intercontinental Championship ladder match, which was wonderful, and massively deserved. It is such a shame they decided to take it away from him immediately afterwards on RAW. That was a bag of dicks of a decision 😦
At least there was Cesaro involvement.
YES!! Cesaro is back!!
And with a fancy new, male-stripper tear-off suit gimmick. Gideon fainted.
The much-anticipated Hardcore match between Dean Ambrose and Brock Lesnar wasn’t as hardcore as I had hoped. There was much teasing of tools and implements, with no actual usage. But it was a bit of fun, and we got some Paul Heyman, which is always a good thing. As is Shane McMahon falling from great heights.
Well, it was fun when he was younger, his body was maybe better suited to take the punishment, and there was less risk of becoming a ghost.
Inspired use of a bin as a weapon. Well done, Shane, well done. Even if ultimately, your leap of faith proved unnecessary due to RAW shenanigans.
Myself and my money betting uncles were not too impressed by Baron Corbin winning the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal.
It seems his torso wasn’t amused either…
I have always found him quite a boring, charismatically challenged figure in NXT, but his follow up match with Dolph Ziggler on RAW was good. Dolph can make anyone look like the greatest though. Regardless, the Baron can be happy he wasn’t booed like Roman Reigns. Which brings us to…
At least Triple H got another one of his fancy entrances.
And his lovely wife got to dress up as some kind of futuristic magician dominatrix.
Garrionette still hasn’t recovered properly.
On the whole, it was all fun and games with the exception of The Rock showing up to blow his own trumpet and bully people. I’m sure there was better filler available than having the eyebrow take fifteen minutes to get to the ring.
This was where my human tweet conduit fell asleep.
She was right to.
I’m sure seeing the horrible treatment of Bray Wyatt and his oddbod family would have caused some upset.
It is some consolation that she was awake for the arrival of our NXT favourites on RAW the following night:
ENZO AMORE AND BIG CASS!!
(It’s just like me and Big Gavib, but you know, alive)
If there’s one thing the world can benefit from, it’s Enzo having a bigger main stage to perform on.
They may have a lack of basic spelling know-how, but their mic skills and in-ring abilities are on point. S-A-W-F-T! Saaaaaaaawft, they are not.
I have been Gambol. You have been reading.