It is I, Gambol Gambolson, investigator of strange beasts and mythological creatures.
Most recently on my travels, I headed to the North of Scotland to investigate sightings of the creature known as The Big Foot Man that were reported to me by my human Grandfather.
He told me some of his social club members had witnessed a creature matching the description of The Big Foot Man in the Caithness area.
Now, as you may or may not be aware, My Book of Mysteries describes The Big Foot Man as:
The Bigfoot Man (also known as The Sasquatch Man) – the name given to a mythological simian, ape-like or hominid-like creature said to inhabit forests, mainly in the Pacific Northwest of America. He is usually described as a large, hairy bipedal humanoid.
Hmm. Yes. Yes. You may not think The Big Foot Man could exist in Scotland, but read the above passage once more, humans. MAINLY in the Pacific Northwest. But, my friends, BEHOLD THE FOLLOWING EVIDENCE…
Myself and the rest of the Young Leith Ghost Team decided immediately that we needed to head North and investigate our human Grandfather’s accounts. On our travels to his house, we stopped at a popular picnic location in Dunbeath. To be truthful, we had to stop in many picnic locations the whole way at Gavib’s request. We only managed to travel about half an hour at a time. The entire journey from Leith to Wick took us nigh on three days by bus. It was ridiculous.
I digress. During our stop in Dunbeath, I noticed some humans who were in the middle of an argument about one of them having forgotten to pack the food. I instantly looked toward Gavib to check if he had unconsciously stolen their provisions, but he was happily munching on his tenth bag of crisps and was completely unaware of their distress.
It is then that I saw movement from out of the corner of my exceptionally large eye. Clutching my camera, I followed the movement and captured THIS image:
I was stunned. The reports had been correct.
(However, the jury is still out on my Grandfather saying he saw The Big Foot Man buying a loaf in Tesco. I am convinced he may be pulling my leg…)
Myself and Garamond decided to hatch a plan. A plan to capture a live Big Foot Man and prove their existence once and for all…
Having prepared a picnic basket full of tasty treats and after obtaining the correct length of rope from a passing hiker, we convinced Guinness – our YLGT magician brother – to teleport to us an adequately sized cage to trap The Big Foot Man in.
Having seen his fondness for picnic baskets and sandwich assortments up close, we knew our plan could not – and would not – fail.
There was only one unknown quantity and not-so-random factor that we hadn’t considered…
Mmmmmm, yes. Yes.
Gavib Green, haunter of bakeries and lover of pastry products etc.
We had completely forgotten to hide him somewhere safe while our plan was unfolding, and the picnic basket proved to be too tempting for him to ignore. To be fair, an empty foil bag containing only Dorito dust would prove tempting to Gavib.
Entirely unaware, Garamond cut the rope, letting the cage fly free.
A sorry state of affairs, indeed. Gavib only had enough food for the next ten minutes.
And we realized that Garamond only had one length of rope…
We struggled for as long as we could, trying to lift the cage off Gavib, but it was far too heavy. Without another length of rope, and the anchoring support of a big tree, it seemed like there was nothing we could do…
It was then that we heard the swooshing of long hairy legs moving through grass. I knew our human Mother was already drinking whisky by a warm fire with Grandfather, so the hairy legs could not be hers. OH MY. It was The Big Foot Man!
Paralyzed by fear, we dared not move as he walked towards the cage. He stared right at us, as though confused. He then kneeled down, lifted the cage from Gavib and said “WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST FLOAT THROUGH IT, BIG MAN?” before lurching off back to the cover of the trees, shaking his head.
I am ashamed to say that none of us present had even remembered that we could float through things. The Big Foot Man was right to call us idiots.
We gathered together as many foodstuffs as we could from Gavib’s secret travelling stashes, and had Guinness teleport in some wine. We left these items and a few blankets by the edge of the trees, with a note that read “Thank you for saving our friend x”
…we looked back to see a group of The Big Foot Men waving and laughing.
It is fair to say that this expedition did not go well, but at least we found evidence of The Big Foot Man. Many Big Foot Men.
I have been Gambol.
Until next time.
Mmmmmm. Yes. Yes.