Poor, confused Gambol 😦
Author: Shaky Ghost
Gambol Investigates: The Big Foot Man
Hallo, Humans!
It is I, Gambol Gambolson, investigator of strange beasts and mythological creatures.
Most recently on my travels, I headed to the North of Scotland to investigate sightings of the creature known as The Big Foot Man that were reported to me by my human Grandfather.
He told me some of his social club members had witnessed a creature matching the description of The Big Foot Man in the Caithness area.
Now, as you may or may not be aware, My Book of Mysteries describes The Big Foot Man as:
The Bigfoot Man (also known as The Sasquatch Man) – the name given to a mythological simian, ape-like or hominid-like creature said to inhabit forests, mainly in the Pacific Northwest of America. He is usually described as a large, hairy bipedal humanoid.
Hmm. Yes. Yes. You may not think The Big Foot Man could exist in Scotland, but read the above passage once more, humans. MAINLY in the Pacific Northwest. But, my friends, BEHOLD THE FOLLOWING EVIDENCE…
The Big Foot Man spotted in Fife
Myself and the rest of the Young Leith Ghost Team decided immediately that we needed to head North and investigate our human Grandfather’s accounts. On our travels to his house, we stopped at a popular picnic location in Dunbeath. To be truthful, we had to stop in many picnic locations the whole way at Gavib’s request. We only managed to travel about half an hour at a time. The entire journey from Leith to Wick took us nigh on three days by bus. It was ridiculous.
I digress. During our stop in Dunbeath, I noticed some humans who were in the middle of an argument about one of them having forgotten to pack the food. I instantly looked toward Gavib to check if he had unconsciously stolen their provisions, but he was happily munching on his tenth bag of crisps and was completely unaware of their distress.
It is then that I saw movement from out of the corner of my exceptionally large eye. Clutching my camera, I followed the movement and captured THIS image:
I was stunned. The reports had been correct.
(However, the jury is still out on my Grandfather saying he saw The Big Foot Man buying a loaf in Tesco. I am convinced he may be pulling my leg…)
Myself and Garamond decided to hatch a plan. A plan to capture a live Big Foot Man and prove their existence once and for all…
Having prepared a picnic basket full of tasty treats and after obtaining the correct length of rope from a passing hiker, we convinced Guinness – our YLGT magician brother – to teleport to us an adequately sized cage to trap The Big Foot Man in.
Having seen his fondness for picnic baskets and sandwich assortments up close, we knew our plan could not – and would not – fail.
There was only one unknown quantity and not-so-random factor that we hadn’t considered…
GAVIB.
Mmmmmm, yes. Yes.
Gavib Green, haunter of bakeries and lover of pastry products etc.
We had completely forgotten to hide him somewhere safe while our plan was unfolding, and the picnic basket proved to be too tempting for him to ignore. To be fair, an empty foil bag containing only Dorito dust would prove tempting to Gavib.
Entirely unaware, Garamond cut the rope, letting the cage fly free.
A sorry state of affairs, indeed. Gavib only had enough food for the next ten minutes.
And we realized that Garamond only had one length of rope…
We struggled for as long as we could, trying to lift the cage off Gavib, but it was far too heavy. Without another length of rope, and the anchoring support of a big tree, it seemed like there was nothing we could do…
It was then that we heard the swooshing of long hairy legs moving through grass. I knew our human Mother was already drinking whisky by a warm fire with Grandfather, so the hairy legs could not be hers. OH MY. It was The Big Foot Man!
Paralyzed by fear, we dared not move as he walked towards the cage. He stared right at us, as though confused. He then kneeled down, lifted the cage from Gavib and said “WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST FLOAT THROUGH IT, BIG MAN?” before lurching off back to the cover of the trees, shaking his head.
I am ashamed to say that none of us present had even remembered that we could float through things. The Big Foot Man was right to call us idiots.
We gathered together as many foodstuffs as we could from Gavib’s secret travelling stashes, and had Guinness teleport in some wine. We left these items and a few blankets by the edge of the trees, with a note that read “Thank you for saving our friend x”
…we looked back to see a group of The Big Foot Men waving and laughing.
It is fair to say that this expedition did not go well, but at least we found evidence of The Big Foot Man. Many Big Foot Men.
I have been Gambol.
Until next time.
Mmmmmm. Yes. Yes.
Me Time with Gideon: Ghostly Pale Powders
Hello, live ones!
My name is Gideon LePhague, pronounced Le-Phagoo, like Mr Magoo!
I love a bit of pampering and preening when I gift myself an hour or two away from my sewing and crafting stations, as I feel adequate “ME TIME” is necessary in maintaining good mental and physical health.
We all need a little space away from the day to day hubbub where we can relax, refresh, reinvigorate and recharge our batteries. For me, it isn’t just about regular massages, meditation and lengthy yoga sessions, as time constraints don’t allow this every day for many people. It is also about reading before bed, sitting down with a nice cup of tea, the escape of a good morning shower with gorgeous soaps, full body moisturizing, cooking a beautiful meal from scratch, a walk in the park at lunchtime, a really good coffee in the afternoon, getting off the bus early to stroll the last few stops home leisurely, a ten-minute check on your habitats in Dragon City…
It’s about grabbing those little moments to take care of yourself, and the words of my fave RuPaul – if you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love someone else?!
I can get crabby without my me time, and find that one of my favourite things to fit in on a hectic morning is escaping to a secluded corner of my bedroom with my make-up for a short while…where I can focus on deep breathing, and getting myself ready to face the day. My makeup isn’t merely superficial and unnecessary painting, it is my morning ritual of happiness, helping me feel the best and happiest I can.
Being a ghost, it can be hard to find an adequately pale face powder to puff and buff onto my alabaster complexion, but luckily, I can just float right over to Spookerdrug and pick up my indispensable “Death Not Warmed Up” loose powder from Cremation 2000. It really is fantastic. You pale humans would LOVE it.
But, alas, you pale humans, goths and occasional vampires have to struggle with a Russian Roulette of flesh coloured pots and palettes. FEAR NOT! For, I Gideon LePhague, have investigated some great finds! From high-end luxuries to pharmacy bargains, here are the results…
Illamasqua Loose Powder in 010
Oh my ghosts! This is FABULOUS. So pale and ghostly. Sets EVERYTHING beautifully. I can’t rave enough about this. My number one luxury buy. Their makeup is amazing. Honestly, go check out the full rainbow of colours!
Bobbi Brown Sheer Finish Pressed Powder in White
This really is the closest thing to Gideonic Skin you can buy in a compact whilst alive. Smooth, silky and lovely. The mirror is a bonus, but useless for vampires, obviously.
Nars Light Reflecting Loose Powder
This leaves no trace of colour at all, and gives a gorgeous finish, smoothing out any small lines or wrinkles you may have. Even though wrinkles are beautiful and should not be feared. Age equals experience, people.
Marks and Spencer Autograph Invisible Finish Loose Powder
Like a half price version of the Nars powder above, this stuff is amazing. So light and airy, it seems impossible to overdo it with this. It’s not available in all stores, however, so be sure to head online.
Collection 2000 Pressed Powder in Ivory
No frills, no puff included, but whether applied with a big soft swirly brush or washable sponge of your own, this gives a lovely pale finish. I also like to add another layer sometimes for that vintage “properly powdered” look. Such a bargain.
Eyes Lips Face Studio High Definition Powder in Sheer
Giving a flawless, soft focus finish, this also comes in a pressed compact version for touch ups on the go. I have both. The whole Eyes Lips Face range is full of great buys. I did look a little extra white in flash photos, but where’s the negative in that?
MUA Skin Define Hydro Powder with Vitamin E and Jojoba
Wow. For the price, this stuff is FABULOUS. Non-cakey and non-drying, I can’t believe how good my complexion looked. My skin felt soft and comfortable all day. Great for on the go touch ups. Again, you’ll need your own sponge, puff or brush.
StarGazer Loose Powder in White
I absolutely adore Stargazer eyeshadows, lashes and lipsticks…but for me, this powder should be approached with caution unless you have extremely perfect skin. Overdo it by the slightest tap of the brush and it becomes instant clown makeup, reminiscent of that time Gambol decided he would treat me to a makeover…
…I was not massively impressed. Perhaps my skin is too oily. Regardless, I will perhaps stick to their Natural Shimmer version instead, which is very good.
I hope you’ve found my writings useful in some way.
I’m off to have a sit down with some chamomile tea and have a look at my latest ghost celebrity magazines. I can’t WAIT to see the photos from Prince’s Welcome Party!
Gambol’s Wrestling Update: Shenanigans and Fun with Spelling
Hello Humans!
I hope by now you have all caught up with Wrestlemania, and the following RAW.
I attempted to live tweet both, but my human conduit and carer fell asleep two nights running, letting me down drastically. I attempted to type myself, but my hands kept going through the keys. Stupid human….hmmmmmmmmm.
My wrestling update is extremely late this week, due to travels to the North of Scotland in search of the Big Foot Man. More to come on him…when my human finally sees fit to stop messing around with work, comparative religion courses, folklore studies, suspension training etc and devotes time to what should be her number one priority.
Here are my main thoughts.
I’d be here all week if I gave you them all.
The decision to put AJ Styles v Chris Jericho on so early at Wrestlemania 32 was disappointing. But not as disappointing as having Jericho kick out of the Styles Clash and win.
At least the following night saw a fabulous 4-way, a victorious AJ, and a new number one contender for the Heavyweight Championship.
People speculated AJ may have cried off camera over his title opportunity.
My human carer cried over his “beautiful hair”.
Stupid humans…..
Nikki Bella came back with some form of contraption on that is holding her neck together. This was because the WWE were saying goodbye to her twin sister, Brie, who is retiring from action to make small humans with one of my favourites, Daniel Bryan. He also recently retired. Not just to form small humans with his man seeds, but mainly because he may die if he wrestles again. Ain’t nobody want none of that happening. Stay at home with your dogs and future children, Daniel.
My friend Gavib – a massive fan of food – lost his mind over the giant box of Booty-Os cereal The New Day danced out of…
…and I lost my mind when I heard the sound of breaking glass!
The Divas Title was finally lain to rest. YAY! I hope they burned it on top of some kind of rubbish heap or threw it into the sea.
The brand new, shiny Women’s Championship belt was introduced and there was an AWESOME 3-way match for it between Charlotte, Becky Lynch and Sasha Banks.
Unfortunately, bad girl Charlotte retained her title due to the interfering ways of Evil-Grandmother-At-The-Side-Of-The-Ring Ric Flair. Booooooo. Woooooo. Etc.
My fave Becky got a black eye. I was unhappy.
I was also unhappy that a man got involved in the women’s match again. What don’t you get about ‘Women’s Wrestling’?
Zack Ryder won the Intercontinental Championship ladder match, which was wonderful, and massively deserved. It is such a shame they decided to take it away from him immediately afterwards on RAW. That was a bag of dicks of a decision 😦
At least there was Cesaro involvement.
YES!! Cesaro is back!!
And with a fancy new, male-stripper tear-off suit gimmick. Gideon fainted.
The much-anticipated Hardcore match between Dean Ambrose and Brock Lesnar wasn’t as hardcore as I had hoped. There was much teasing of tools and implements, with no actual usage. But it was a bit of fun, and we got some Paul Heyman, which is always a good thing. As is Shane McMahon falling from great heights.
Well, it was fun when he was younger, his body was maybe better suited to take the punishment, and there was less risk of becoming a ghost.
Inspired use of a bin as a weapon. Well done, Shane, well done. Even if ultimately, your leap of faith proved unnecessary due to RAW shenanigans.
Stupid Vince…
Myself and my money betting uncles were not too impressed by Baron Corbin winning the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal.
It seems his torso wasn’t amused either…
I have always found him quite a boring, charismatically challenged figure in NXT, but his follow up match with Dolph Ziggler on RAW was good. Dolph can make anyone look like the greatest though. Regardless, the Baron can be happy he wasn’t booed like Roman Reigns. Which brings us to…
At least Triple H got another one of his fancy entrances.
And his lovely wife got to dress up as some kind of futuristic magician dominatrix.
Garrionette still hasn’t recovered properly.
On the whole, it was all fun and games with the exception of The Rock showing up to blow his own trumpet and bully people. I’m sure there was better filler available than having the eyebrow take fifteen minutes to get to the ring.
This was where my human tweet conduit fell asleep.
She was right to.
I’m sure seeing the horrible treatment of Bray Wyatt and his oddbod family would have caused some upset.
It is some consolation that she was awake for the arrival of our NXT favourites on RAW the following night:
ENZO AMORE AND BIG CASS!!
(It’s just like me and Big Gavib, but you know, alive)
If there’s one thing the world can benefit from, it’s Enzo having a bigger main stage to perform on.
They may have a lack of basic spelling know-how, but their mic skills and in-ring abilities are on point. S-A-W-F-T! Saaaaaaaawft, they are not.
I have been Gambol. You have been reading.
Hmmmmmmmmmm. Yes.
Garrionette’s Beer Record: Siren Are Dinosaur Friendly
Hello, living entities!
I recently had the pleasure of trying Siren Craft Brew’s Dippy and the Equinox, a “brutally hopped IPA” brewed in collaboration with Boneyard Beer.
Named to honour the exit of Dippy the Diplodocus from the Natural History Museum in London…wait, WHAT?!? Me and my ghostly friends LOVE DIPPY!!
WE ONLY JUST WENT TO SEE HIM LAST YEAR AGAIN!!!
WHAT THE HELL?!?
THEY’RE REPLACING HIM WITH A BLOODY BLUE WHALE???
How did we not know about this?
Why wasn’t there some form of move to stop this?
What kind of a name is ‘Bluey’ anyway?
THIS IS A DISGRACE!!!
Sorry. I went off on a little side tangent there. Apologies.
The beer was bloody lovely. At least Siren still show love for the dinosaurs.
Gambol Investigates: The Moth Man, Part 2
Hello, humans. By now I am hoping you are familiar with my investigations into the worrying entity known as The Moth Man. You may be pleased to know that I have interesting updates to share with you.
Since making it known to you – my readers and friends – that I am investigating the whereabouts of this trouble maker who owes Garrionette money, I have had a great deal of information sent to me via the contact page. Sightings have been coming in from far and wide…
It would appear that our dusty winged friend is back in Scotland.
I was emailed information from the west coast involving the vandalism, breaking, entering and wanton desecration of a small family-run electrical lighting shop.
Disturbed by the arrival of police, apparently the Moth Man ran off into the night, screaming, on discovering all the lamps he had stolen were not battery operated and therefore useless to his depraved desires. Obviously, the family are very distressed by the whole thing:
“THERE ARE WING SCALES EVERYWHERE, AND IT LOOKS LIKE HE’S DONE ALL SORTS OF HORRIFIC THINGS WITH OUR LIGHT BULB STOCK. THIS IS THE ONLY TIME I’VE BEEN GLAD WE DON’T HAVE CCTV…”
From my own investigations, and my sources out in the wild, I have discovered that the Moth Man has made his way east, living like some form of insectoid ‘littlest hobo’, leaving a path of wonky small scale destruction in his wake instead of helping out humans, like the actual ‘littlest hobo’ did.*
I received many emails concerning his appearances around the Water of Leith. Myself and Garamond camped out over a few evenings in the hope of catching him. Alas, each time he evaded us. I’m convinced, like his small clothes-moth brethren, he turns to dust as soon as you touch him. Only somehow, unlike his small clothes-moth brethren, he reanimates instead of contaminating your hands and food surfaces with brown scales.
We tailed the Moth Man through Edinburgh at a distance, making sure he couldn’t see us. He made his way to the Old Town area, rifling through bins all the way, before oddly smiling at one and reaching into his wing folds for a box of matches. It became clear his search was for a bin full of paper and combustibles.
The obsession with bins seems to have a purpose at least. As long as he doesn’t try to ‘mount’ a flaming bin in an ill-fated attempt to ‘mate’. The last thing anyone needs is a seven foot moth, on fire, running through the Grassmarket on a Friday night.
Another contact has seen the Moth Man hanging about outside the Christmas Shop on the Royal Mile, mesmerized by fairy lights, drooling.
Hmmm. Yes. Yes. My investigation continues.
Send me your sightings of this sinister travelling wilbury via the contact page.
* EDITOR’S NOTE:
Gambol’s Wrestling Update: An editor’s note from Garrionette Boocock
Hello there, Ghost friends. Sunday should have seen the new semi-regular update from our young spectral wrestling aficionado Gambol “Savage” Gambolson.
Apologies.
I’ve been unable to make sense of anything he had written down.
It mostly consisted of pictures of the 21/03/16 RAW match between AJ Styles and Kevin Owens with the words “YES” and “KEEP THIS FEUD GOING FOREVER” written over and over again.
If you think that’s bad, let me just leave what he had to say about last week’s episode of Lucha Underground untouched, shall we? Behold:
“AZTEC WARFARE! AZTEC WARFARE! AZTEC WARFARE! AZTEC WARFARE! WARFARE!
REY! IT’S REY! REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!
AZTEC WARFARE! AZTEC WARFARE! AZTEC WARFARE! AZTEC WARFARE! WARFARE!
AZTEC WARFARE! AZTEC WARFARE! AZTEC WARFARE! AZTEC WARFARE! WARFARE!
AAAAAAAZZZZZTEEEEECCCCCC WAAAAAAAAAARRRRFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRREEE!!!!
AAAAAAAZZZZZTEEEEECCCCCC WAAAAAAAAAARRRRFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRREEE!!!!
AAAAAAAZZZZZTEEEEECCCCCC WAAAAAAAAAARRRRFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRREEE!!!!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!! THROUGH THE WINDOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!!!!!
AZTEC WARFARE! AZTEC WARFARE! AZTEC WARFARE! AZTEC WARFARE! WARFARE!!!!
AZTEC WARFARE! AZTEC WARFARE! AZTEC WARFARE! AZTEC WARFARE! WARFARE!!!!!
Oh………
YAAAAAAAYYYY!!!!! EL JEFE!!!!!! EL JEFE!!!!!!!!! EL JEFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AZTEC WARFARE! AZTEC WARFARE! AZTEC WARFARE! AZTEC WARFARE! WARFARE!
AAAAAAAZZZZZTEEEEECCCCCC WAAAAAAAAAARRRRFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRREEE!!!!”
I’m assuming The Monster Matanza won.
How the hell is one supposed to edit that into any form of coherent stream of thought?
I’m hoping he’s been more constructive with his cryptozoological blog…
Unfortunately for us all, he’s said he’s going to be live tweeting Wrestlemania this coming week. You’ve been warned.
